If some towns are hell and others are heaven, Paramus is purgatory. The town was named by the Lenni-Lenapi, who were the original inhabitants of the area. It means "land of many turkeys" or something to that effect. The name doesn't really apply anymore. However, I find that it is still just as relevant as it was before the Native Americans were driven off by the white man. Turkey is a rather dull meat to eat; it's dry, and it does little to recommend itself over chicken. Well, the only part that really applies is the dull part. If you're creative enough, you have permission to come up with an interpretation for the chicken.

In this town, without a car, you're nothing. Paramus isn't one of those towns with one main road where everyone knows everyone else. You need wheels to get where you want to go. That leaves people like me stranded. While the other fish are breathing oxygen, growing legs and walking, I'm stuck in the water. Luckily, there are kind people who let me leech off of them. Or merely tolerate me leaching off of them. It's pointless to speculate; what I want to say is that November is a long way away.