"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." -Juan Ramon Jiminez

Sunday, December 26, 2004

...the Devil's charming

Now that the darkest day is over, we all take a little solace at the fact that we're that much closer to warmth again, and so far we've gotten off light. I've gotten off, to say the least, light. I look around and see that things are changing, and I wonder where the spring will find us. And in the mean time, I wonder - if we are lost in the middle of the woods, just what the woods have in store.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

P T phone home

only a few more days until christmas day, but in my world, it's been christmas for quite a few days now. with the winter concerts and holiday music, in its glorious cheesiness, the somewhat brighter smiles i see around here, the college now-freshmen coming back to visit, almost-here break...there's really nothing to kill my spirits. i've spoken to people who have helped me tremendously in giving me suggestions of how to increase my productivity and finding mistakes in my perspective of some things, as a result i have erased AIM from my computer.
if you love me, call me. [it takes so much more effort, ever realize that?]

if there was one thing i received this holiday season that was obvious but so unexpected, it would be the sibelius violin concerto sheet music. i've been wanting it for the longest time; i fell in love with the piece the moment i heard it. i put it as number one on my top-three-items wishlist, but i removed it from my profile after i realized the best choice was getting it myself. it was sheet music, for heaven's sake, violin SHEET MUSIC. no ordinary person would get it for me.

hence the extraordinary people in my life. when i received a gift bag from a close friend from college on the night of the winter concert, the last thing i expected was this. i doubt you have any idea why i am so elated over sheet music, a piece i wanted for christmas, and explicitly stated so on my public profile. i can't quite explain it myself either, but receiving this as a gift from this particular someone, whom i respected greatly as a person, but mostly in his love for music, meant more than a lot of things in my life as of now. going out and getting it for myself would provide a sort of comfort to me - that i now owned one of the items on my wishlist. but it was the person i got the gift from, that made me want to sit down with a violin and those sheets of paper, and never get up until i squeezed every note out, packed to the brim with all the passion and expression that sibelius and myself wanted and desired. it was sort of an encouragement, i suppose. i can't really make this sound amazingly profound; this is not something many people can relate to. but music for me is my life, and this sort of gift-giving is like giving me a renewed spirit for my love of violin. it makes me want to play that much better, as a dedication of sorts to the friend/brother who presented this to me as a christmas gift.

this blog didn't make much sense, i'm tired and weary after the concert. but there's this bubbling happiness in me since i received the music. this is one christmas gift i can and will never forget, the gift of love, the gift of love through music.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Long December

My oh my, one year of blogging has gone by, 115 or so posts behind us like white stripes on the highway. How quickly the road changes, and even the clouds are left behind. The destination is covered by a different set, though one equal in its mystery and ambiguity. One's surroundings are never permanent on a serious journey, and the only sources of familiarity are the other cars going the same way, and the people in the car with you.

Today reminded me of last year. I had no car, and consequently I stayed in for lunch and was driven home by Allison. College will be a strange experience for me, but naturally I hope it will be a good, though perhaps not necessarily a safe one. Alcohol is not something I've had much experience with, and it is not something I look forward to having many experiences with either. New friends will not be made and then lost in the next morning's hangover. I should not look so far ahead so soon; I have plenty to worry about now. The coming break, though I believe it is shortened in comparison to last year's will regardless be a welcome respite from school. I will likely have a lit log to do during it, but I will have an abundance of time. I am somewhat dismayed that it is not even officially winter yet, and that there are three more cold months ahead. Like all things, I must take them and whatever they have in store as they come.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Happy Anniversary

What once began as a simple endeavor to (1) make people feel bad about their lonely xangas (which has obvious been completed and is being maintained) and to (2) “scratch that, there is no point,” has grown into an international effort to combat the hordes of aliens attacking Earth and attempting to infiltrate the governments of the world at the highest levels in an ultimate attempt to subjugate the human race into mutated beings existing as nothing more than free labor and a healthy part of their balanced diets. We have learned to use their own technology against them, and, by infiltrating their own installations here on Earth which take refuge in the nations of compromised governments that have removed funding from the project and capturing their leaders, we have discovered that ultimate victory will take us on the offensive, to Mars. Within the walls of an ancient structure in the Cydonia region, buried in ancient tombs which have been forgotton long before the dawn of man, an ancient alien evil stirs, controlling all that which bears down upon us.

Happy one year to us here at Inappropriate, with a capital ‘I’.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Same Old Lang Syne

Here I am again writing another tiring blog during another tiring December in what has been another tiring year. Winter is sad with saxaphone music playing and Christmas lights shining from behind falling snow. You have to drive slowly because the road is slick and icy, creating an environment very condusive for reminiscence. This summer was the best I've ever had for many reasons, and now it seems so far away. I always catch myself imagining what things would be like if they were completely different; this is a waste of time, and I don't have much time to waste.

I'm intersted in exactly how a caterpillar looks as it metamorphs into a butterfly. It is probably a disgusting thing for a human to watch and for the caterpillar to undergo.

Sympathy is a strange emotion, because we want to get rid of it as soon as possible. Love, hate, and anger are all normal to harbor for long periods of time. Sympathy we try to get rid of by comforting whomever we feel sorry for until there appears to be nothing to feel sorry for. If wood is rough, we sand the flaws away until it is smooth. If someone smiles at you as they pass, then all must be right in their world right? Appearances are everything right? The wood is smooth; it will carry that weight.